I Want To Feel
by TrentNight
Summary: This Fic has been discontinued. I am sorry for everyone who has read it and was looking foward to read it. I shall be posting a new Evangelion fic up soon. If you would like to see the reasons as why I did this, then read the 4th chapter.
1. Prologue

Prologue  
  
"NO!!! Not right now!" Misato screamed as she and the other technicians watched in horror as the beam of pure energy hurtled towards Unit 00.  
  
Shinji braced himself for the blast that surely came.  
  
It never came.  
  
Shinji opened his eyes and dropped his jaw open in shock. There standing only a few meters in front of him with a shield held in front of herself to deflect the energy particle.  
  
"Ayanami!!" he cried.  
  
Back at the headquarters Ritsuko and the rest of the technicians already saw the shield slowly decaying.  
  
"The shield is not going to last long!" she exclaimed rhetorically.  
  
"Are we ready yet!!!?" Misato screamed.  
  
"10 more seconds"  
  
'God damnit' Shinji thought as he gritted his teeth. 'I promised myself that I would protect her! Why is it the other way around all of a sudden?'  
  
-Flashback- Rei being rolled over to the Eva on a stretcher  
  
-Flashback- Rei coughing blood over him as she writhed in pain in his arms  
  
-Flashback- Climbing into the Eva, 'I will protect her' he promised to himself  
  
"HURRY UP!!!" he screamed as he saw the last bits of the shield decay into nothingness which would eventually lead to everyone's deaths.  
  
He looked at the screen once more to see the target and the triangle slowly inch towards the center of the screen. 'It should be done in about three seconds' he thought  
  
Those were the longest three seconds of his life  
  
He gritted his teeth as they finally flashed in the center and pulled the trigger.  
  
No one dared to breathe.  
  
The energy shot traveled over the land with amazing speed as it finally reached it's target and the other half of the angel erupted into flames.  
  
"We made it!" the technicians back at the NERV HQ cheered.  
  
Everyone slowly watched the pyramid shaped angel slowly fall in defeat to the ground while still being enveloped in flames.  
  
It wasn't until the loud crash the Eva made on the ground did Shinji finally remember that the shield had not lasted quite as long as it was supposed to.  
  
"Ayanami!" he cried out in despair.  
  
His Eva ripped off the back plate of armor on the deteriorating evangelion and pulled out the entry plug for Unit 00. He carefully set the smoking entry plug onto the ground and ejected himself out of his Eva. He half ran half tripped over to the entry plug in his fear of what might have already happened.  
  
'Oh God, it might already be too late'  
  
'She took a good part of the hit with the body of her Eva'  
  
'Please don't be dead Ayanami' he silently prayed as he finally reached the demolished entry plug.  
  
He placed his hands on the latch and pulled with all his might to open it ignoring the burning sensation which quickly raced from the tip of his fingers all the way to his shoulder blades.  
  
'Don't be dead'  
  
'Don't be dead'  
  
'Don't be dead'  
  
'Don't be dead'  
  
'Don't be dead'  
  
He chanted the same three words in his mind as he continued to exert his strength on the stubborn latch.  
  
"DON'T BE DEAD!" he screamed as he fell backwards as the latch had finally opened up.  
  
He practically crawled into the sea of LCL and his heart skipped at least three beats as he waited in anxiety for the blue haired girl to stir and prove to him that she was still alive.  
  
"Ayanami!"  
  
"Are you all right?!"  
  
"Ayanami!"  
  
She slowly started raise her head as the sound of her name was being called by a voice so familiar.  
  
Then everything hit her as she saw Shinji standing over her with tears in his eyes.  
  
'Why is he crying?' she thought blankly.  
  
"Don't say. that you don't have anything else" he choked.  
  
She just stared at him with her infamous emotionless face.  
  
"Don't say "Goodbye" when you leave on a mission. It's too sad" he continued through his tears.  
  
He bowed his head down as the tears that had threatened to brim finally freely flowed down his face as he watch the little droplets of salty water ripple into the LCL below him.  
  
Rei couldn't hear anything in the night besides Shinji's heavy sobbing. It was as if the whole world had decided to stay quiet for these few moments that they had together.  
  
Finally, it struck her.  
  
'Is. is. he crying for me?' she asked herself confused.  
  
'Wh. why. is he crying for me?'  
  
Finally, she brought herself to ask him the question.  
  
"Why are you crying?" she asked him, genuinely intrigued.  
  
However, he didn't seem to be able to hear her as his shoulders shook and he continued his heavy sobs.  
  
A feeling of uneasiness settled over her as she thought desperately of what to do.  
  
"I'm sorry. I do not know what I should do or feel at a time like this" she confessed.  
  
"Why don't you try smiling?" he asked her now that his sobbing had finally ended now but the tears in his eyes were still there.  
  
It hadn't been until this point of her life did she actually see the huge resemblance in the facial features between the father and the son. Her eyes widened slightly as she saw him gazing at her the exact same way his father did.  
  
Then, as if it was meant to happen, she broke into a small smile. She didn't know why, she had not really meant to smile, although she might have attempted it as he had asked. But this was different, when Commander Ikari asked her to smile for him it was almost as if it was her duty, but this was totally different. It felt, relaxed, and right. She honestly didn't know how to explain it.  
  
Finally she decided to ask the question that had been plaguing her mind for a while now.  
  
"Pilot Ikari"  
  
"Yes?" he responded.  
  
"Why were. why were you crying before?"  
  
He was slightly taken back by the sudden question.  
  
"Uh. um. well I already told you didn't I?"  
  
"No you didn't Pilot Ikari, you said that it was sad to say "Goodbye" right before a mission and you told me that I have more in my life than just Eva"  
  
He nodded dumbly.  
  
"But why are you crying for me? I have nothing else except for Eva in my life. Ever since I was brought into this world, that is all I have ever had."  
  
"No"  
  
'What??' She thought to herself. 'What is he saying?'  
  
"Ayanami... I."  
  
'Damn. how did this happen, how am I going to say this.'  
  
He looked up at her to see that her smile had vanished as she waited patiently for his reply.  
  
"Ayanami. I."  
  
'Lord take me now!' he thought as he struggled to find the correct words.  
  
"I cried. I cried."  
  
"Ayanami. I cried. because I thought you were hurt. or dead."  
  
"And this saddens you?" she inquired.  
  
"Yes." he admitted.  
  
"I didn't want to lose you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because. I care for you"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Huh? Why what?"  
  
"Why do you care for me? I am nothing more than a classmate and a co- worker to you am I not?"  
  
"Of course not!" he cried a little too hastily.  
  
"Then why do you care for me?"  
  
"I. I'm not really sure." he finally stated.  
  
"I see." she said with a hint of disappointment in her calm voice.  
  
He raised his head to see why she was standing up and quickly helped her get to her feet and out of the entry plug.  
  
"I think that it is time to head back to the NERV Headquarters" she said softly.  
  
He nodded his head as he placed her arm around his shoulder as they slowly trekked their way back to the headquarters.  
  
'What is this that I'm feeling?' she thought to herself as she stole a quick glance at the brown haired pilot walking beside her.  
  
'Why do I feel.'  
  
"Warm" she said quietly so only she herself could hear.  
  
However, her train of thoughts were cut off as the wailing of a siren was heard from the emergency medical team that came each time there was a fight against an angel.  
  
To Be Continued.  
  
A/N: Ok, ok, ok, I know what you're all thinking. LAME right??? Sorry, Gomen, really really sorry but this is my first time writing. Seriously. this is my first actual story or fic that I have wrote so please don't flame to heavily. but by all means! If there is something wrong with my writing please put it into my reviews! Oh, yeah. and did I mention to review??? Please do. as a noob it means a lot to me o_o. I will try to get the chapters up as soon as I can. from my little layout of plan. this should only be about 7 chapters or so if I can even make it that long cuz I know you guys will get pissed at me and bann my fics off of the net =P  
  
Anyways. till the next chapter. and don't forget to review!  
  
TrentNight liquid_vivi@hotmail.com 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: I Want to Feel  
  
A girl with blue hair, and red eyes stared at the ceiling of her apartment. It wasn't because there was something interesting on the ceiling. It also wasn't because she was bored. The loud sounds of construction work outside of her windows could still be heard by the pilot of Unit 00, therefore she had not zoned out.  
  
Rei Ayanami was sprawled across her bead in her school uniform, staring at the ceiling because it was the only thing she could do while in deep concentration. Another alternative would be to float in a massive tank of LCL but she had long discovered that she would stay away from the liquid for as much as she could. It wasn't exactly what someone would call a pleasant feeling to be caged in a tube of green liquids. So she was lying on her bed, unchanged, staring at her ceiling.  
  
Finally, after a few long hours she let out a small sigh.  
  
"I still do not understand" she whispered.  
  
^ What is it that I feel towards Pilot Ikari, and how is it different from the way I feel about Commander? Why did Pilot Ikari say that he cared for me? ^  
  
She let out another small sigh. She was totally lost now, her train of thoughts about Shinji had troubled her mind for the past three days since the defeat of the 5th angel. She did not understand the feeling, as it was the first time she had felt something like this. She also did not know who to ask for help, or if she even should.  
  
^ Is this something I should figure out for myself? ^ She thought solemnly.  
  
So many questions, and not an answer for any of them.  
  
She sighed and tried to go back to bed, as she had school tomorrow and then synch tests later on in the evening. She would need all the rest she could get.  
  
However, another hour had pasted by when she finally gave up. Looking at the small clock in the corner of her apartment beside her other small collection of possessives, she was able to see that it was already well past 2 am in the morning.  
  
^ Maybe I'll go take a walk ^ she decided.  
  
^ Yes, a walk for fresh air and oxygen will help my brain think of answers for all the questions I have ^  
  
She silently got out of bed, and entered the bathroom. After splashing cold water on her face for a minute or two she took one of her towels hanging on the wall and dried off. It was always cold water, hot water in her opinion was an unneeded luxury that many people had. The commander had offered her a better location for an apartment but she had politely refused and had picked the small and messy apartment she was living in at the moment. She did not see the need to live in luxury and expense in such a dangerous and cold world. An angel attack could happen any day, she had learned long ago to be prepared for death, and not to fear it. She knew that some strange reason that even though the Commander cared a great deal about her, even more than his own son, that she was expendable in the missions against the angels. She did not know how she knew, or even why she knew. But she knew.  
  
She looked quietly at her image in the small mirror hanging above the sink and slowly reached out with one delicate hand to touch it. What she saw would have impressed many people and not only because of her celestial beauty, it was also because of the crimson eyes. She hated them, and she knew that almost every time that someone stared at her it was because of her deep red eyes. Another thing that might have accounted for their stares was because of her beauty. She had come to the realization long ago that it was just meant to be. She did not use cosmetics or lotions or anything of the sort. It just came...naturally. She honestly did not care about her appearance, because to her, it was nothing but a temporary form. After she died, and of which she was sure to happen one day, this body would be cast away and forgotten about.  
  
She put her towel back on the rack and quietly walked to her door and put her shoes on. Even with her shoes on, she made no noise as she walked steadily and calmly down the stairs of her apartment.  
  
She didn't mind unnecessary noise, because if she did she wouldn't be living in the apartment she lived in right now. She just didn't see a need to make noise if u didn't have to.  
  
So she walked silently on down the streets of Tokyo 3.  
  
After a short walk however, she came upon a very familiar building.  
  
^ Captain Katsuragi's residence...^ she thought calmly until another thought hit her.  
  
^ Ikari-kun lives with her... ^  
  
She did not realize it but by the time she had snapped out of her world of thoughts about the Commander's son she was standing at the door to his apartment.  
  
^ I wonder what he is doing right now ^ she thought to herself as she reached up to ring the doorbell.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Ayanami" Shinji whispered with a clenched throat as she drew her face even nearer to his.  
  
She had come to his house in the middle of the night seeking release from her problems and now it had finally come to them being in his room and her asking him to kiss her.  
  
She was now so close to him that their noses were practically touching and he could feel her soft breath on his face. He could also smell her clean scent, how he loved that scent. To him, she smelled nothing less of a celestial angel. And not that ones that came down to earth destroying everything in their path, the ones that were in heaven praying and singing to and about God.  
  
"Shinji-kun" she whispered as they grew even closer. "Will you kiss me?" she purred softly and almost seductively.  
  
And then she closed the distance between them.  
  
Shinji's mind went blank and his heart exploded as she tenderly kissed him. The first kiss he had ever had in his life, and he also had a strong suspicion that it was her first too. Her arms moved around him to his back as she pressed him tightly against her.  
  
^ Damn ^ he thought happily. ^ I must be in the zone of pure happiness ^ he thought to himself as he finally loosened up and brought his hands to the back of her hand and to her back to also deepen the kiss.  
  
Unfortunately, as everything has a beginning everything also has an end.  
  
She slowly broke the kiss and after gazing softly into his eyes for a few minutes she whispered one word.  
  
"Quargh?"  
  
"Um.. Ayanami???"  
  
"QUARGH!!!" squawked a very mad and hungry warm blooded penguin by the name of Pen Pen.  
  
"DAMMNIT!!!" Shinji cried out in frustration. "What a beautiful time to wake up!!!" he literally screamed as he threw a glare at the penguin that would have killed all the angels in a single blow. Pen Pen however, was unfazed.  
  
"Quargh" he squawked again waiting for his midnight snack.  
  
"Fine fine fine fine fine just hold you horses!" Shinji retorted. He swore, every single bloody time he had a fantasy dream he was always rudely interrupted by the warm blooded penguin. As he set the sardines onto Pen Pen's food bowl the doorbell rang.  
  
The pilot of Unit 01 shot one more glare at the penguin who in return squawked gratefully for the meal oblivious to the pain he had caused the boy.  
  
^ Did Misato leave her keys at home or something? ^ He thought idly to himself while he got up to open the door.  
  
^ She's not usually this forgetful. Messy, yes, but not forgetful ^  
  
He opened the door absent mindedly and turned around right away to go back to his room to see if he would be lucky enough to dream of Rei again. The beautiful girl who was not only his co-worker but also his classmate. Although she hardly ever attended classes. She was readily absent for almost a half of the entire school year as she was always going to NERV for some reason involving Evas.  
  
This Shinji totally did not understand, technically speaking, he was ALSO a pilot, but why then did the blue haired girl spend at least double the time at NERV Headquarters that he did? And if it was for training why then was her synch ratio still so low compared to his?  
  
As he slowly trudged to his room he noticed that the person at the door still had not moved and was waiting for him to say something.  
  
"There's a new case of beer in the fridge if that's what you were wondering Misato-san" he said sleepily.  
  
"Hello Ikari-kun" replied the soft voice at the door.  
  
Shinji tripped over the air and landed right next Pen Pen who was busy feeding himself from the fish that Shinji had so graciously provided only a few seconds ago.  
  
The boy hurriedly got up and turned to stand face to face with the curious face of no one either than the girl of his dreams.  
  
"Ayanami." he breathed.  
  
"Are you alright Pilot Ikari?" she asked with a curious look etched all over her face.  
  
"Yes, I am fine, thank you...why do you ask Ayanami?"  
  
She shook her head as she took a step back and her face went back to the emotionless mask.  
  
"I just found it interesting that you should trip while walking even though there is evidently nothing in the way of your feet for you to trip on."  
  
And sure enough it was, the apartment was spotless. Even though Misato is not what we would call a tidy person Shinji was the exact opposite. He was a neat freak. It had come from his old sensei that he used to live with back before he had come to Tokyo 3. One of the first things that his Sensei had taught him to do when he was living with him was to be polite and mind his manners. The second thing that was taught to him was to be organize, and neat. Thus, the now Shinji who was both polite and neat.  
  
"Well, um...I...um...did not expect you to come over at a time like this.." he stuttered taking a quick glance at the clock that read 3 a.m. in the morning. Apparently, his sensei had not taught him how to socialize with others very well and thus, the stuttering fool.  
  
"."  
  
"."  
  
"Am I not welcome here Pilot Ikari?"  
  
"NO!" he almost shouted and after seeing the slightingly widening of her eyes he quickly corrected himself.  
  
"It's just that...it's very late." he managed to choke out. Which was very true mind you.  
  
"I understand." she replied softly as she turned to leave but stopped when he heard his voice again.  
  
"Wait...Ayanami...why did you come here for?"  
  
She slowly turned around until she was staring into his beautiful brown eyes.  
  
"I." she slowly started. "I came to ask you something...that I do not understand"  
  
Shinji had a mild look of surprise on his face that said 'At 3 o'clock in the morning???' as he replied.  
  
"Ok then, what would you like to ask me?"  
  
"The same question I asked you after the attack. Why do you care for me?"  
  
Shinji had a stupefied look on his face.  
  
^ Damn, and I thought I had gotten away from the question...Apparently she still remembers...what to say...what to say...what to say...^  
  
As he quietly contemplated on what he would respond to the mysterious blue haired beauty standing in front of him Rei took the chance to look over his apartment noticing the vast difference between his and hers. Evidently, he and the captain did not share the same view of simplicity that she did. She also noticed that they had a...penguin living with them.  
  
^ How odd ^ she thought with small interest as she remembered reading about them once in a textbook at school when the teacher had decided to give them a break from the 'Second Impact' lecture. However, according to what she read, they were supposedly cold blooded animals that lived in the southern continent of Antarctica. Or whatever remained of it after the Second Impact that is.  
  
"I do not know how to explain." he finally blurted out. "It is just a feeling that I have about you that makes me care for you" he said and his cheeks flushed slightly.  
  
"Feeling?" her cool voice inquired.  
  
"Yes.."  
  
"What is a feeling? Pilot Ikari" she whispered.  
  
NOW Shinji was shocked.  
  
"What do you mean what is a feeling??? Don't you know???"  
  
"I don't feel" she confessed.  
  
"Of course you do Ayanami!" he literally cried out a little too loud. "Every single living being on the face of this God forsaken planet has feelings, even animals!"  
  
"Then maybe I have not discovered my feelings yet" she concluded as she turned to leave again but was stopped again but this time however, by his firm grip on her hand.  
  
Rei blinked in surprise as she turned around to face the boy who had held her hand...no...he was STILL holding her hand. No one in her lifetime had ever touched her whenever it was unnecessary, not Doctor Akagi, none of her classmates, not even the Commander. But here he was, holding onto her arm as he slowly inhaled air to say what he wanted to say.  
  
"I...can help you Ayanami"  
  
"There is nothing you can help me with Pilot Ikari" she replied with an icy tone, evidently not exactly happy that she was experiencing unnecessary physical contact for the first time in her entire life.  
  
Shinji winced at her cruel words but they only made him tighten his grip on her delicate and after a while as he noticed very soft arm. He genuinely wondered how someone as delicate as her was able to pilot an evangelion.  
  
"I can help you discover your feelings" he said with a little more confidence in his voice.  
  
Rei was only able to stare at him.  
  
"Why would you do something like this Pilot Ikari? It has no benefit towards you"  
  
Shinji winced again as he noticed the way this girl was brought up. But his resolve did not fade a tiny bit.  
  
"I'm doing this because I care for you" he said slightly proud of himself for being so direct to the girl standing in front of him that was ALWAYS direct.  
  
"And you do not know why you care for me, as it is just a feeling. And you want to help me discover these feelings. Why?"  
  
Shinji cringed this time inside AND outside.  
  
^ Man, why is she doing this ^ he thought furiously as he thought again for an excuse.  
  
Finally, he said the three words that made the most sense to him at the current situation.  
  
"Why not? Ayanami?" he asked her softly as he lessened his tight grip on her arm as it didn't seem she was going anywhere soon. How wrong he was.  
  
She pulled free from his grip and left his apartment leaving a stunned Shinji standing there at the doorway staring at her retreating figure. However, after a few seconds of thinking he quickly raced out the door slamming it shut as he took off after her. It didn't take him long to catch up to her. Even though she was fit form all the swimming that she did, she did not compare to him when it came to sprinting.  
  
It was starting to rain.  
  
Heavily.  
  
This time, he grabbed BOTH her arms and turned her around to face him.  
  
"Ayanami!" he shouted angrily. "Why won't you let me help you???"  
  
Rei just stared into his brown eyes as if doing so would relate the answer to him. They stood there for three minutes...in the pouring rain before she finally decided to answer him.  
  
"I am nothing."  
  
This brought tears flowing to Shinji's eyes although if Rei hadn't been watching them carefully she would have missed the tears because of the rain. She realized that he was crying for her again. Why? She kept asking herself.  
  
^ Father...what have you DONE to Rei you bastard! ^ He mentally shouted at his father.  
  
^ You have made her an emotionless doll damnit! ^ he shook as he cursed his father in his mind while Rei continued stare at him not knowing what to do.  
  
The rain continued to pour.  
  
"Ayanami...you say that you are nothing...but to me...you are someone that I care for" he choked out between his fits of shaking with anger towards his father.  
  
Rei was once again at a lost of words for what to say. She had never encountered such a situation on where someone would openly express feelings to her like this. It was an entirely new concept. She had to admit, it was unnerving to see the boy in this state, not to mention they were still standing in the middle of the sidewalk in the pouring rain. But deep down inside, she felt warm.  
  
^ It's that warmness again ^ she realized. ^ The same warmness I felt after the attack when he helped me get out of the entry plug. ^  
  
They continued to stand there, staring deep into each others eyes while the rain poured down on them.  
  
Finally, Rei shivered from the coldness, an action not unnoticed by Shinji. He let go of her left hand and led her by her right hand down the street not saying a single word as they trekked across the deserted streets. Not a sound could be heard besides the rain that hit the sidewalk that they were walking on. They passed building after building, hand in hand, silently, walking.  
  
It wasn't until they entered the building did Rei notice that he had brought her back to her own apartment. He silently led her to her own room. Room 402 it read as he opened it. Knowing that there wouldn't be a lock as she did not deem it necessary.  
  
After they were inside he let go of her hand and turned to face her, finally ready to say the speech that he had prepared on their walk to her place.  
  
"Ayanami, I know that you have grown up with my father, a man who has killed his own emotions only God knows how long ago. But I want you to know this, you are not a no-one. You are a human being. You are you. You are Rei Ayanami, age 14, pilot of Unit 00, living in Tokyo 3. You have to eat and sleep just like everyone else on this world. And since you are a human being, you also have feelings. I know that you haven't yet discovered these feelings or maybe you just do not like showing them to people. Either way it doesn't have to be like this. At school you look alone, even when you're talking to me you look lonely. I see it in your eyes. Why you won't release your emotions I don't know. I want to help you but you won't let me, something must have happened to you for you to behave like this but I don't know and I will never know because you won't open up to me. I can't help but think that this is my father's fault for raising you like this. Even if my mother died it is no excuse for him to have done this to you. Since he was my father I felt it was my responsibility to help uncover the emotions you have in you since he has obviously made you cover them up. But I was wrong. Until you learn to open up to people around you then you'll never to feel. And if that happens then you WILL be the doll that people in school call you. I thought that I could help you overcome this barrier, and I was wrong. All I can hope now is that you come back to your senses and don't let my father brainwash you with his ideas on how you should be."  
  
He turned around and left her apartment and slowly began to walk back to his own place.  
  
^ I didn't know I was capable of being so direct ^ he thought to himself feeling proud of himself. He seriously wished that the girl would take her mask off. He genuinely did, but he wouldn't be able to help her with that. It was something she had to do by herself. However, he couldn't help but feel guilty at being so harsh to her. He shook the thoughts out of his head.  
  
^ It was for her own good ^ he told himself as he finally reached his own place. But as he walked up the stairs the sense of guilt kept growing. It grew to the point that by the time he reached his door he was angry at himself for being so harsh and blunt on a person who didn't know better. It wasn't her fault, it was his father's. He should be there teaching her how to open up and instead he had just let his steam intended for his father upon her. Man he felt guilty and started to walk back to her apartment.  
  
He exited the building and noticed that it was still raining outside.  
  
It was still raining.  
  
^ I wonder when it will stop ^ he thought silently as he picked up his pace into a run.  
  
Rei Ayanami stood at the door, shock etched all over her face from the brutality of Shinji's words. She did not know that he was capable of being so direct.  
  
However, the words had hurt and she felt a pang in her heart when he had said these to her and felt the pang turn into hurt as he had left.  
  
"Now even Ikari hates me." she whispered silently to herself as the shock wore off.  
  
She slowly walked over to her bed not caring about the state that she and her clothes were in, in other words wet. She slowly descended down on the bed and surprisingly began to cry.  
  
She felt her eyes well up and let the tears slide down.  
  
^ Tears ^ she thought in her mind as she slowly closed her eyes and let the sounds of the rain drops against the roof disappear entirely from her ears.  
  
Shinji was outside of the room 402 once again. This time, panting and heaving from the efforts of not only running through the wind and the rain on the streets, but from running up all the flights of the stairs.  
  
^ What a night this turned out to be ^ he thought glumly as he stared at the door.  
  
Knowing that it was inevitable, he knocked at the door softly.  
  
No one answered.  
  
He knocked again, this time a little harder than the first time.  
  
Again, no answer.  
  
He sighed as he realized that she wasn't going to answer, he slowly put his hand on the door knob and turned it.  
  
Rei opened her eyes as she heard the sound of her door open. But she did not care anymore.  
  
^ Even Ikari-kun hates me now ^  
  
The words bounced around inside her head but never disappeared. Reappearing again...and again...and again.  
  
^ Even Ikari-kun hates me now ^  
  
She hadn't meant for the night to turn out like this...she really hadn't. She had wanted to find out more about herself and her relation to Shinji but had been afraid.  
  
Afraid.  
  
Fear.  
  
Fear of what would happen when she did uncover her mask that she tried so hard all these years to keep on. The mask that the Commander had told her to put on in order to avoid harassment and being bothered by other 'unnecessary' people.  
  
Her thoughts finally returned to the matter of the person at the door, but she did not find the strength in herself to get up and confront whoever it was. She was weak.  
  
If it was a burglar there was nothing for him or her to take. If it was someone that had come to rape or kill her...so be it.  
  
She slowly closed her eyes again as she waited for whoever that had entered her apartment to make their presence known.  
  
Shinji slowly breathed as he sighted Rei's form huddled up on the bed. However, the sight of her shaking the way she was was disturbing.  
  
^ She's mad at me, she doesn't want to see my face ^  
  
He slowly turned around to exit her apartment again but stopped when he heard a sob.  
  
He gasped and looked at Rei's form to see that she was visibly shaking...and it wasn't from the cold. The sobs continued but Shinji couldn't see the tears as her back was turned towards him. He slowly willed himself forward to the side of the bed that she faced. True enough, even though her eyes were tightly shut he could easily see the tears that now streamed down her beautiful face.  
  
He hung his head in shame. Out of all of the things that he had wanted to do when he came to Tokyo 3, hurting Rei was definitely not one of them. And now he felt like scum. How he wished that she would stand up and slap him, yell at him, or even tell him to go away. Anything. Anything to tell him that he was garbage for hurting her. But nothing ever came. She just continued to lay there...still shaking...and still crying.  
  
Finally, Shinji couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"Rei." he said softly, not even realizing that he had just used her first name.  
  
She opened her eyes and brushed away her tears so they would not blur her vision. And it turned out that her ears had not deceived her. Shinji had come back. But why? She got up and wiped the remaining of her tears away and turned to face him.  
  
"Yes?" she asked softly, the pain in her voice so evident that someone half deaf would have been able to hear it.  
  
Shinji fell onto his knees and started crying all the tears that had built inside him for the past 14 years. He continued sobbing as the rain outside intensified even more with an added effect of lightning and thunder.  
  
Slowly raising his eyes to meet hers he was finally able to say what he wanted to say.  
  
"Ayanami...I am so sorry."  
  
"I am so sorry for all the terrible things I said to you earlier. Ever since I was a child my mother had died in a test with the Evas. Ever since then my father's emotions died with her and he left me with one of my old teachers that he trusted to raise me. When he called me back, I thought it was because he was sorry for what he had done and had wanted to apologize and take me back. But I wrong...again. He called me back because I had a use. He wanted me to pilot Unit 01. When I refused he ordered me to leave. I was so sad then, I would have left Tokyo 3 forever and not come back. But then he told you to pilot, and when I saw you all hurt and bleeding from injuries you suffered before I felt that I had to stay. I had to stay to pilot so that you would not have to. If I piloted and u didn't, then you wouldn't get hurt again like you were before. When you fell into my arms and were in pain I felt my heart break. I decided I would stay. Not to please my father, and not to gain any recognition for piloting an evangelion. I would stay to protect you. But I haven't been doing a very good job on protecting you. Your life was put in danger because of my incapability to fire the positron rifle at the angel. And now I just hurt you again."  
  
He couldn't continue his speech as his will finally gave in to the grief he had inside him and a new river a tears gushed out from his eyes again.  
  
Rei stared at him in shock. She had never expected him to come back to see her again, and now all this. All these things that he told her, what did they mean? Was this what he called 'opening up'? She did not know, because she had never been told. But in a situation like this, she knew what to do.  
  
She kneeled down in front of him and lifted his chin up so that she could look at him in the eye. At first he was hesitant to open u his eyes, but after a little while he opened up his eyes and almost died of shock.  
  
Kneeling down in front of him, in her very wet school uniform, was Rei Ayanami.  
  
Smiling at him.  
  
^ That smile...the same smile she did for me after the attack of the fifth...the smile that she didn't even give to my father...her smile...for me...^  
  
As the realization hit him hard and fast that she did in fact care for him, he couldn't take it anymore.  
  
He lunged at her and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. Sobbing as hard as the rain was pelting the windows just outside. The thunder rolled on as both of the children let out their tears, crying for all they were worth.  
  
When the crying finally subsided Rei took the initiative of speaking to him.  
  
"Ikari-kun" she whispered.  
  
"Yes? Ayanami?"  
  
She inhaled and exhaled as she chose her words carefully.  
  
"Ikari." she started  
  
"Shinji" he interrupted her.  
  
"."  
  
"Call me Shinji" he quietly said.  
  
She nodded ok.  
  
"Shinji."  
  
"Yes Rei?"  
  
The surprise showed on her face as he used her first name, but nevertheless, she continued on.  
  
"I want to feel."  
  
Shinji felt the tears brim to his eyes again.  
  
"You are crying again...Shinji...why are you sad?"  
  
Shinji placed one finger on her lips to silent her before he gave her his answer.  
  
"People cry for two reasons Rei. One reason is because of sorrow, which we both experienced now long ago." He took a pause to make sure that she was following along and continued when she nodded.  
  
"And sometimes, people cry for joy." he stated "like I am doing now."  
  
Rei felt her own tears rise to her eyes as she finally understood the true meaning of his words.  
  
This time, she was the one to throw herself at him and embrace him as tight as she could, as if he would disappear the minute she released her grip on him. He was only too happy to oblige and held onto her tightly too.  
  
"I want to feel." she whispered one more time into his ear as they slowly fell asleep on the floor in each other's arms.  
  
And outside.  
  
The rain stopped.  
  
To Be Continued.  
  
A/N: Well well, I definitely hoped that this was an improvement from my prologue. I think I might be starting to get a hang of this. I realize that I went way OCC in this chapter for both Rei and Shinji in this chapter especially Shinji. As it is evident in the series that he would not have the guts to do what he did in this chapter. However, you have to realize that when you're mad or sad you just don't behave how you usually do...you should all know that. Therefore when he heard her say that she was nothing and had no feelings, his anger for his dad exploded and so did his sympathy for her and thus you get the result of the Shinji speeches. Perhaps this should have been put in the prologue, I'm not sure but in the next chapters ( no I don't know how many I will do anymore, I originally planned to just do 6 but with the short length of these chapters I might have to go longer than that ) I will have it go normally as it goes through the series but of course with a change of their feelings towards each other and others including Asuka. They will continue their fights with the angels and everything and I don't know if I should go to the end of episode 26 or go all the way past 'End of Evangelion'. Really don't know, and I would appreciate it if you guys gave me a mail or in the review board on which one I should do. I'll try to get the chapters up fast if you guys are even reading them hehe...Don't expect anyone to read this stuff I'm typing out...far from the quality works that some people out there are putting on the screens. But anyways...I really appreciated the review I received and I'll ask you again to review cuz I want to hear from you guys what you think of my writing.  
  
Till the next chapter! Ja-ne!!  
  
TrentNight liquid_vivi@hotmail.com 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Beautiful Things  
  
The last time the pilot of Unit 01 had woken to an unfamiliar ceiling was when he was in the NERV Headquarters' Hospital. However, by a quick scan of the ceiling, walls, and later of the person in his arms, Shinji Ikari could readily tell that he was not in the hospital. And after a few seconds to recollect the events that had happened the previous night he could also tell that he was in big time trouble when he would have to go home and confront his guardian. However, all these thoughts quickly flooded out of his mind as his eyes once again fell upon the sleeping beauty that he had his arms cradled around.  
  
Shinji had never had slept with another person in his entire life with his parents being the only exception. However, even THAT had been over a decade ago and he no longer remembered the warmth and comfort that it held. He smiled as he gazed at her calm and innocent face, her pale face and light blue hair matched perfectly. However, what had first caught his attention were her crimson eyes. Those beautiful deep red eyes that he could stare into for eternity and not even for a moment grow bored of. How she had red eyes and blue hair, he honestly did not know. It would be something that he would have to ask his (beloved) father about.  
  
He gently slid out from underneath her, cautious not to awake her and started to stretch. It felt like years since he had last moved but as he stole a glance at the small clock that she had in her room he could tell that it had only been a few hours. He was about to go to the washroom to wash him face when he heard Rei Ayanami behind him starting to stir from her sleep.  
  
"Morning Rei-chan" he whispered softly to her as she slowly blinked her eyes to see if she was dreaming.  
  
^ Why is Ikari-kun in my apartment? ^ She thought before last night's events finally dawned upon her.  
  
"Good morning Shinji-kun" she replied as she favored him a smile small. She slowly got up and went into the washroom to take a shower.  
  
"I'll be out in a few minutes" she said quietly before she disappeared behind the door to her washroom.  
  
Shinji nodded and sat down on her bed. There was still an hour left until school started so that gave him an hour to get something to eat, go home and get changed and get to school, but he didn't feel like leaving without Rei so he decided that he would go grab something to eat first. He went over to her fridge and looked at the contents inside.  
  
And found nothing.  
  
Nothing besides bread, jam, and a few bottles of water.  
  
As he struggled over the selections of peach, raspberry, and grape jam he began to realize how the girl was so skinny and light. She HAD to be suffering from malnutrition. This could hardly even be considered real food if it was the only thing that she ever ate for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. He then looked around at the rest of the kitchen and it didn't take long for him to figure out that she would have to take a tour in his kitchen to see what a proper kitchen looked like. Her 'kitchen' consisted of the small fridge that he was looking in, a sink, and small stove, and what seemed like a kettle.  
  
^ Another one of my father's great works ^ he thought disgustedly as he took out the bread and the jam. He quickly made a peach jam sandwich for her breakfast as he wasn't hungry but didn't make one for lunch. He could get her a way better lunch than this.  
  
He heard the washroom door open and was greeted by quite a nude Rei. She was dressed the exact same way she was the first time he had entered her apartment. In other words, she had on nothing except for a brown towel, and her black slippers. Shinji flushed a deep red that could match Rei's eyes and then quickly turned a 180 degree twist before she could see his developing nose bleed.  
  
"What are you doing Ika... Shinji-kun" she inquired. Making a mental note to herself that he was 'Shinji-kun' not 'Ikari-kun'.  
  
^ Strange ^ she thought to herself. ^ I did not make that mistake this morning... why am I making it now? ^  
  
As she moved closer to him she could see that he had a wad of tissue stuck against his nose. He apparently seemed to be suffering from a nosebleed.  
  
"Rei-chan... would you please dress yourself before you come out of the bathroom next time?"  
  
"I am always like this when I am here"  
  
"Yes... but when someone else is in your presence it would be a good idea to BE dressed" replied the stuttering Shinji.  
  
"I understand" she replied in her infamous monotone voice.  
  
Shinji stood perfectly still as he heard the ruffling of what sounded like someone getting dressed. When it all ended he turned around and this time was greeted by a Rei Ayanami in her school uniform. He smiled and gestured towards the sandwich in the kitchen.  
  
"I made your breakfast for you" he commented as he turned to leave. "I'm going to go home and get changed, and then go to school. I suggest you go too after you finish you breakfast"  
  
She nodded as he gave her a smile and exited her apartment building. Thankfully, the weather outside was quite warm and it complimented nicely the shorts and t-shirt that he was wearing. He quickly jogged back to his own apartment wondering how many times he had traveled this path in the past two days. As he got to his apartment a sense of dread filled him. Yes, Misato worked late, but NEVER late enough to be not there when he awoke in the morning when he went to school. Especially when it was not her day off. And luck had it; she had to go to work today. He slowly turned the doorknob and froze in shock.  
  
It was locked.  
  
He fumbled around his shorts looking for his keys and froze in shock again.  
  
These shorts had no pockets.  
  
Sighing in defeat he rung the doorbell and waited for hell to unleash. He wasn't disappointed in the least bit. The door was flung open to reveal a very devilish looking Misato who took one glance at him and roughly dragged him through the door. After seating him on one side of the table, she popped open her morning can of beer and sat on the other side of the table. After one long drink from the can she slammed it down on the table and glared at him. For a full 5 minutes.  
  
"Talk" she commanded in a dangerously low voice after the silence had passed.  
  
"I... I... went out last night" he answered truthfully with innocence spread all over his face.  
  
"Tell me something I don't know Shinji Ikari" she growled menacingly at him.  
  
"I... was at a friend's house... " he admitted glumly.  
  
"And WHICH friend did you grace with your presence the ENTIRE night??" she screeched slamming the table again.  
  
"Rei-chan's" he whispered as quiet as he could.  
  
Apparently, it wasn't quiet enough.  
  
Misato just stared at him, the words 'shock' and 'flabbergasted' written all over her face.  
  
"Come again?"  
  
"I was at Rei-chan's apartment last night... " he said slowly and after seeing her furious glare quickly added "I swear... we didn't do anything except talk last night!"  
  
Misato who was still fuming as she realized that they were already on a first name basis slowly softened her glare. It wasn't as if she had any choice but to believe him. She sighed and nodded her head.  
  
"Go get ready for school alright?"  
  
He smiled gratefully, jumped up, and ran to his room to get changed. However, before he could reach his door he was shot with a cool statement.  
  
"If Shinji Ikari, I even SUSPECT that there is something more going on between you and the first child I WILL report this to the commander" ^ That is... if he doesn't already know ^ she mentally added.  
  
He nodded quickly and disappeared into his humble "abode". Inside, he breathed a sigh of relief as he collapsed onto his bed thanking God that he had escaped Misato's wrath unscathed. ^ Must be that time of the month ^ he mentally thought to himself as he quickly pulled on his school clothes and grabbed his wallet. He paused for a moment and opened his wallet to be greeted by Rei's old NERV pass card. He had secretly picked it up out of a trash bin that he had watched her throw it into after he had handed her the new one. And ever since that incident, he had kept the card in his wallet. Every now and then, he would take it out and admire her in the picture. She really did look like an angel. And he could just spend hours staring into the red eyes on the photo, even though it was just a photo.  
  
However, all thoughts were lost as a beep was heard on his alarm clock and he saw that it was 9 o'clock.  
  
"Crap" he muttered as he gathered his books and high tailed it out of his room and out of the apartment. Simply put, he was late. In other words, he would spend two hours during class time holding water buckets outside of the classroom and then have to clean the classroom as punishment for his tardiness.  
  
As he ran towards the gates of the school however, he could see something oddly familiar in the distance. As he neared it, he recognized that it was Rei.  
  
He smiled and broke into a slow jog as he finally reached her. She was standing under one of the biggest trees that their school had. It was the exact same tree that Shinji ate lunch at with Touji and Kensuke every day at lunch.  
  
"Why are you inside Rei?" he questioned curiously as he approached her.  
  
"I noticed that you were not here yet, so I decided to wait for you, but it seems that you are late" she responded coolly.  
  
"If you knew I was going to be late then why didn't you go in first? You are going to get punished for being late... "  
  
"I wanted to wait for you before I went in" she replied simply.  
  
He shook his head, walked over to her and took her free hand into his. She waited for him with interest as he held her hand close to his face as if examining it. Finally he brought her hand down although he did not let it go and began leading her back out the school gates.  
  
"Shinji-kun, where are you taking me" she inquired.  
  
He flashed her a quick grin as they walked on. "Your hands are too delicate to hold water buckets Rei-chan. I'll tell the sensei tomorrow that we had synch tests and couldn't come"  
  
She was mildly shocked by the way he was behaving. She had always thought of him as the type to go to school everyday like a good boy. It turned out that this was a side of him that even maybe his closest friends (Touji and Kensuke) didn't know about.  
  
"Where are we going Shinji-kun?"  
  
"I'm going to take you to a place that you might like to see, Rei-chan. It's a bit far, but it should only take a couple hours to get there and then a couple more to get back. And by that time, it will be ready for our synch tests later on this evening."  
  
She blushed a bit when he gave her hand a slight squeeze as he smiled at her.  
  
^ Warmth ^ she thought.  
  
They walked silently hand in hand through the city. Since Rei had rarely gone anywhere that wasn't the NERV headquarters, her school, and her apartment, each place that he took her to was unfamiliar. As the day went on, they were still walking. Fortunately for perhaps both Shinji and Rei, they grew tired and spotted an ice cream shop. Shinji grinned and brought Rei into the little store where there were many flavors of ice cream to choose from. Shinji took a quick glance at the options and quickly chose a tropical mango flavor and stood quietly as he watched Rei contemplate on which flavor she should choose. The truth was, Rei had never eaten anything that came close to a desert before, the commander saw it as unnecessary and fattening, even with the amounts of exercise that Rei had from swimming he still thought it was unwise to introduce anything to her that might affect her fitness and piloting abilities in the slightness.  
  
After what seemed like hours to Shinji she finally pointed towards the vanilla. Shinji blinked in surprise.  
  
^ It takes her forever to choose a flavor and she chooses vanilla?? ^  
  
Now it might have seemed surprising and strange to other people but to Rei, it looked the most ordinary. A innocent and clean white in contrast to some of the multicolored flavors that were in the shop. Shinji insisted on paying for both of them as he later realized that this was in fact her first time in an ice cream shop.  
  
After they exited, he spotted a bench not far away and led her to the bench to sit on. The direction they were facing provided them a beautiful view of the ocean which glittered as the sun shone brightly over the gentle tides of sea water.  
  
"This is your first time seeing the ocean while you weren't in your Eva isn't it" he asked Rei out of pure curiosity.  
  
"Yes" she replied calmly.  
  
^ Thought so... ^ he silently said to himself in his mind. ^ My father would never take her to come see a place like this. Hell, even when mother was alive, he hardly ever took me to the ocean. Said he didn't like it. ^  
  
"Rei-chan"  
  
"Yes Shinji-kun?"  
  
"How about one day... I take you to a beach, where we can go swimming together in the ocean?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"I'm not sure... " she replied softly.  
  
"Huh? Not sure about what? I thought you liked swimming"  
  
"I do, but not when there are crowds of people there also. You do not know how much dirt and bacteria there are in those waters. That is why whenever at school when we are swimming, I sit by the fence and wait until it is over instead of swimming with the others. It is also the reason why I frequently use the pool at NERV where nobody else besides pilots can use it"  
  
^ Damn... ^ he cursed inwardly as his plan was shot, chewed, and then spit back out. He had been hoping that by taking Rei to places where there were more people she would learn to take off her mask around others and eventually become friends with people either than him. Although he wasn't exactly complaining about the fact that he was the only person she saw as a friend. It meant that whenever she was lonely, she would be with him. ^ No ^ he thought happily. He didn't mind it in the least bit.  
  
"If it pleases you, we can go swimming at NERV after our synch tests today Shinji-kun"  
  
He smiled at her as a touch of pink appeared on her cheeks.  
  
"I would like that a lot Rei-chan"  
  
She gave him a small smile as she turned her attention back to the glistening water in front of them. However, as nice as it looked, this was not the place that Shinji had wanted to take his friend. After they had finished their cones Shinji took her hand again and they started their trek across the city again.  
  
"Where are you taking me, Shinji-kun?"  
  
"I'm taking you to where Misato-san first brought me when I first came to Tokyo 3" he replied with a grin on his face. He still remembered the shock that had ran through his body as he saw the awesome sight of the city rising above the ground and shape into the outer skirts of the city that they knew of Tokyo 3.  
  
As they finally reached his destination, he chose a spot underneath a large tree to sit on and invited her to sit beside him under the shade of the tree. She obliged as sat closely next to him enjoying the warmth that shivered through her body when he took her hand into both of his.  
  
"Is this what you wanted to show me" she asked gesturing to the city in front of them with mild interest.  
  
He shook his head negatively as he stole a quick glance at his watch. He knew exactly the time that the buildings would come out of the steel ground. And it would be in exactly five minutes.  
  
"Just wait a few minutes, it'll appear soon" he said smiling at her while letting go of her hand so that he could lie down and look at the horizon in the sky. It was beautiful, almost as beautiful as the girl sitting beside him. Almost, but not quite. The sun had fallen behind the mountains now and the sky had a mix of red pink and purple far in the distance. The clouds surrounding it were also a tinge of pink and purple.  
  
However, just then at that second, his watch beeped.  
  
He smiled and stood up, he motioned for Rei to join him and she followed suit. At first, nothing could be seen or heard, but a few seconds later, the faint sounds of heavy machinery could be heard as if it was far in the distance. This was complimented by the opening of the steel floors of the city, allowing the tall buildings to slowly rise all together as one. Shinji had seen it many times after the first time Misato had taken him there so he had no troubles taking his eyes off of it, but as he turned to his side, he could see Rei staring with her eyes widened slightly at the magnificent sight of the rising city.  
  
Rei knew that at about this time, the floors would open and the buildings would come out, she had even seen some of them rise before when she was under the city and at the NERV Headquarters, but she had never seen them rise out so perfectly as one like this before.  
  
When it was all finally over she was left speechless. She looked over to Shinji to find him smiling at her. "Did you like it Rei?"  
  
"Shinji-kun... it was BEAUTIFUL!!!" she exclaimed, her mask long forgotten.  
  
"Yes I know" he smirked. "That's why I wanted you to come see it"  
  
"Thank you Shinji-kun"  
  
"It's no problem Rei, I wanted to share this with someone and I couldn't think of anyone I would rather share this with except you"  
  
Rei blushed.  
  
Shinji smiled but it quickly faded as he looked as his watch. The time read six twelve. They had their synch tests at eight o'clock sharp. He remembered being late for one test and both Misato and Dr. Akagi had chewed him out for at least two hours after the tests were over. He reached into his wallet to see how much money there was left, before remembering he wouldn't need one as he had a NERV card on him. Taking a taxi wouldn't be a problem, the problem was that he wouldn't be able to walk back together with Rei and spend some time with her. However, time was against them and they were forced to catch a taxi.  
  
As they rode in silence, Shinji was staring out of the window. This sight was quite disturbing to Rei as she felt that her role had been taken. She was about to ask him what he was looking at when he raised a finger and pointed at the sky. Rei however, could not see anything new or interesting in the sky. She simply remained silent until she decided to ask.  
  
"What is in the sky that is so fascinating Shinji-kun?"  
  
"Look at the horizon Rei"  
  
"What about it Shinji-kun? It is the line where the sky and the earth intersect. Certainly you must have seen it many times before, why is this time any different?"  
  
"I know you've seen the horizon before Rei, but have you ever stopped to look at it and completely appreciate its beauty??"  
  
Now that Rei thought of it, she had never considered the horizon to be anything special at all. She had seen it, and then dismissed it from her mind. Only now, after Shinji pointed it out to her, could she see that it WAS in fact quite beautiful. The intense colors that the setting sun gave to the skies and the clouds were both mystifying and glorious. It was funny how she had never noticed it.  
  
"No Shinji-kun, I have not. But now that you mention it, I do see the beauty of the horizon. Thank you again for showing me something so beautiful"  
  
"It was my pleasure Rei; however, I'll show you something even more beautiful later on after our synch tests ok?"  
  
"That is fine Shinji-kun, but were we not going to go swimming after the synch tests?"  
  
"Yes, we are Rei, and I will show you while we swim"  
  
He smiled as he saw Rei's confused face. Yes, he had shown her some of the most beautiful things that he had ever saw in his life, but what he was going to show her later was true beauty. A beauty that nothing on earth could never compare with. He smiled as he thought of what her reaction would be when he revealed it to her.  
  
The taxi stopped and after Shinji showed the driver his NERV card, the driver nodded and they left the vehicle. Shinji took another glance at his watch, seven twenty six. Approximately half an hour to get down to the changing rooms and then to the test area. They should have plenty of time to get that all done. As they traveled down the long escalator, Shinji decided to ask the blue haired girl about her experiences as an Eva pilot.  
  
"So Rei, when did you first start piloting Unit 00?"  
  
"I have been training since I was eight" she replied truthfully. "But I was not able to actually start moving the Eva until a year ago. Just before you came"  
  
"You had your accident just a short while before I came to Tokyo 3?"  
  
"Yes, as a matter of fact, you came a week after I had then accident with Unit 00"  
  
He nodded sullenly. He wasn't happy at all at the fact that Rei had been hurt in the accident. In fact, he somewhat blamed his father for everything bad that had befallen on the blue haired angel. However, even though he cursed his father every opportunity that he had, he was secretly glad that Rei had been hurt on that one particular test. If she hadn't been bleeding near death when he saw her on the trolley, he was sure that he would have ran away, from Tokyo 3, from NERV, from his father, from all the people that lived here, and most importantly, he would have never met and become friends with the celestial angel by the name of Ayanami Rei. That was perhaps the only thing that he was grateful for from his father, but either than that, he hated the cold bastard.  
  
"Shinji-kun?"  
  
"Yes Rei"  
  
"Why did you fight the third angel even though you had no experience piloting an Eva before in your entire life?"  
  
"I thought I told you think already" he mumbled "I piloted because you were hurt and I didn't want you to get even more hurt. If you piloted and died I would never forgive myself. And later, when I had you in my arms and you were in pain, I mentally promised myself that I would protect you."  
  
"Why was that Shinji-kun" she asked with an innocent look plastered over her face.  
  
"You're doing this on purpose aren't you Rei" he said feigning anger. "I wanted to protect you because I cared for you, I told you all this last night"  
  
"Yes you did Shinji-kun, but when you told me of this you were crying and relating it to me at a very quick pace. Furthermore, I enjoy hearing someone say that they care for me. Did you not know that you were the first person to tell me this Shinji?"  
  
"Actually, I thought that maybe my father had said something like that to you before" he admitted.  
  
"He raised me and taught me and sometimes even acted like a father would towards a daughter, but he never stated that he cared for me. That is why I feel happy each time you repeat those words to me Shinji-kun. Thank you"  
  
Shinji blushed as he had never realized the full impact that those simple three words had on her, he would have never guessed himself. However, he was saved from further embarrassment as they neared the bottom and swiped their NERV cards into the sensors to gain access to the Headquarters. They walked into the locker room and silently began to change into their respective plugsuits. Rei, into her white suit, and Shinji, into his white, black, and blue suit.  
  
"How long do you think the test will last this long Rei?"  
  
She thought about the question for a while before responding to him. "It could take anywhere from half an hour to three hours" depending on how the results go.  
  
Shinji nodded glumly, the worst case scenario would be it lasting for as long as three hours making it past eleven o'clock by the time they were done. And at that time, chances would be slim that they would be able to swim together in the pool. He sighed as he finished changing into his plugsuit. He flipped the switch on his wrist and it immediately tightened around his body, the feeling was actually quite comfortable. Contrary to popular belief, the plugsuits were not intolerably uncomfortable. True, it was practically skin tight, but the material was quite flexible and it was soft. The LCL could not penetrate the plugsuit but that didn't stop it from getting the stench it held on them.  
  
They exited the changing room together and went to the testing area. There he could see Misato, Dr. Akagi, and her three assistants. Mr. Hyuga, Mr. Aoba, and Mrs. Ibuki. He did not know any of the three technicians very well but he could tell that they were nice people from the few times that he did manage to talk to them. He and Rei entered the two tubes waiting for them and patiently waited for the LCL to fill up and surround them.  
  
~*~*~ Three Hours Later ~*~*~  
  
Shinji tumbled out of the test tube, readily exhausted. Rei followed in a similar manner although much more graceful, she too was greatly exhausted and was not sure she could keep their plans on swimming together. She wanted nothing more than to go home, and get some much needed rest.  
  
The two pilots exited the testing area, and entered the changing room again. Shinji took a shower first in a vain attempt to get rid of the LCL stench that clung to him, although after he showered it was still there, it could only be detected if you went in close for a sniff. However, after he put on his cologne (CK if you must ask) it was practically non existent.  
  
Rei then showered after him. She had now turned from using cold water while showering, to a slightly warmer temperature of water. It still wasn't considered hot, but there was a major difference between the water she used now and the water she used a couple days ago. She smiled softly as the warm water bounced off her delicate flesh, it felt nice and somewhat warm. But it wasn't the same warm that Shinji made her feel, this was external warmth. The warmth that he gave her was from inside, she still didn't know how to explain this mysterious feeling but she took it as something good. It felt much nicer than the coldness that had always inhabited her before she had met Shinji. As she stepped out of the shower she was surprised to still see Shinji there leaning against the wall, apparently waiting for her. He smiled at her but quickly turned around as he tried to hide his blush.  
  
She looked down as she remembered their morning's conversation about her not being properly dressed around people. The corners of her mouth curved slightly upwards as she saw him visibly shaking and she quickly got changed to spare him from any further and unnecessary embarrassment. When she had finished she slowly walked behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and a look of relief etched his face as he saw that she was properly dressed in her school uniform. She began to exit the room and motioned for him to follow.  
  
As they exited the building they both sighed inwardly as they knew it was too late to go swimming together as they had originally intended. This applied especially to Rei, who now was unable to see what Shinji had been talking about earlier. However, it could not be helped as it was nearly twelve and the two pilots were supposed to be home by then.  
  
Rei had offered to walk with Shinji as it was on the way to her own apartment. At first, they had just walked at a steady pace together, content just to be in each other's presence, but as they grew nearer to Misato's apartment, they had unconsciously, slowed down to a trod. Normally, it would have taken about half an hour to walk from the Headquarters to Misato's apartment, but by the pace they were walking, it took them a full hour and twenty minutes. Shinji glanced at his watch and noticed it was already past twelve thirty. He glanced at Rei, he didn't want a pretty girl like her to walk on the streets alone by herself, even though he was sure she had done it many times before, he still felt uneasy about it.  
  
"Why don't you come up for a while Rei? I'll ask Misato if she can give you a ride to your apartment"  
  
Rei nodded and agreed. Not because she felt unsafe for any reason, but because she wanted to spend as much time as possible with Shinji. It felt... right to do so. As they slowly took the stairs up Shinji couldn't help but keep glancing at the beautiful girl beside him. He had spent the whole day with her! This had been one of the happiest days of his life. However, he couldn't help but feel the sense of loneliness that started to overcome him as they reached the door to Misato's apartment. He took out the keys and unlocked the door, after inviting her in, he followed suit and closed the door behind them.  
  
"Misato-san!" he called but there was no reply. He then went to knock on the door to her room but there was still no reply. He was as equally baffled when he opened the door and found no one inside. He walked back into the living room giving up hope of finding her. ^ Maybe she went to the bar for a drink... ^ he thought to himself.  
  
As he entered the living room however, he was greeted by the sight of Rei holding what looked suspiciously like a letter. She gave it to him and he read it out loud for the both of them.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dear Shinji Sorry for the lack of notice but I was just assigned a task to go to Old Tokyo to participate in a meeting and observe a demonstration of a newly made Evangelion. I would have told you this earlier but the Commander had just ordered me and Ritsuko to go on this business trip an hour ago. I will probably gone for about two to three days but there is more than enough food in the fridge for that time. I trust that you can get to school ok by yourself, and there won't be any synch tests until we get back. Don't miss me too much =) Sincerely: Misato-san  
  
p.s. Don't forget to feed Pen-Pen  
  
As he finished reading, a plan started to form in his mind and he smiled, turning to Rei.  
  
"It looks like Misato-san won't be here to drive you home Rei" he stated happily.  
  
She looked at him with a tinge a curiosity on her face. "Yes I can see that Shinji-kun, but what is it that makes you so happy? Misato-san can not possibly be so bad around that house that her absence makes you happy can it?"  
  
Shinji laughed and slowly shook his head. "No, my Rei-chan that is not it. It means that she cannot drive you home; therefore, I will have to walk you there. Also, since she is not home I would be more than happy to make you here as my guest for a couple days"  
  
She stood there blankly for a few seconds as his words hit her and then the corners of her lips curved upwards. "I would be honored to stay here as your guest Shinji-kun"  
  
He smiled and leaned forward to hug her surprising the both of them. "Thank you, Rei-chan, for deciding to stay with me" he took a deep breath and slowly continued. "Today I was really happy that I was able to spend the entire day with you. I don't remember the last time I have been this happy. No, forget that, I have never been this happy in my entire life, even before my mother died. When I'm with you, it doesn't feel like how it is when I'm with Touji, or Kensuke, or even Misato-san. They are all friends to me. But when I am with you... I... feel more Rei. More than just friendship. Rei... I want you to know that I care for you... because... " he took another deep breathe as he felt his heart beating at approximately 84327 times a minute. "  
  
She waited patiently as he took the time to find the correct words. She could do nothing else. Not even stare at him blankly. She felt her hands tighten around the skirt that belonged to her uniform, although she did not know why.  
  
"Rei... I love you" he finally decided. There were no better words that could describe the way he felt at the moment. Even if he had been given a million years to think of what to say. In the end... he would say those three words.  
  
Tears slowly began to form in Rei's eyes. ^ Why am I crying... it is not because I am sad... it must be because I am happy... Yes... just like last night... I am crying because I am happy ^ she decided.  
  
Ayanami Rei, having not been in many situations in where she did not know how to act, did the same thing the last two times this happened. She smiled, the exact same smile she had given him the last two times. And then out of instinct, closed her eyes.  
  
Taking this as his queue, he leaned forward until their noses were almost touching. Evidently, his talk with Misato that morning had all been but forgotten. He could feel her gentle breathing on his face as he slowly lowered his face to hers. With one hand, he gently tilted her head to the left, and tilted his own head to the right.  
  
"I love you Shinji" she whispered as quiet as could be, but still loud enough for him to hear.  
  
"I love you too Rei" he softly replied as he finally closed the remaining distance between them and their lips touched for the first time.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
A/N: Ok Ok I'm going to make this short cuz it's pretty late right now at my place and I still have to go to school tomorrow. I understand that the majority of this chapter has been pretty boring and I apologize but I was using it all to build up for the end. I realize that I may still be going OCC for the chars, but it just can't be helped much. I am pretty sure you guys actually want to hear Rei talk instead of just having Shinji TRYING to make her talk. Because that is just boring. If she doesn't open up to him now then why should she open up to him later? It just doesn't make any damn sense to me. Anyways, Gendo's views on the childrens' relationship will come into play in the next chapter. Gendo fans be happy. I will not make him a cold bastwoid like many of the other authors tend to like to do so. I don't think he is given a fair chance in most of the stories out there and I would like to bring into the reader's eyes maybe a new view on how Gendo's thoughts are. Doing this though, I may indeed drastically change the outcome of the ending of the story. I have decided to extend the chapters all the way to EOE. I think that this would be a good opportunity to get some of the misunderstood chars to redeem themselves. I'm not going to say much more on the matter before I reveal too much of the plot. Also, Asuka fans do not despair, I shall bring her into the story next chapter. Or so I think I will. Also, I realize that in the series, Misato was only gone for a day and Shinji ended up helping her stop the Eva too, but in this case, the Eva simply malfunctions and Shinji is not needed for assistance. Also try to note that I am most likely not going to talk about the procedures that the technicians and the doctor and captain (future major) talk about. This is SUPPOSE to be a ROMANCE story... and I fail to see the romance in a bunch of orders to 'eject the entry plug' or 'cut off the powers' and find out that it's not responding. I WILL talk about SOME angel fights if I deem it necessary to further aid the plot in any way or another. So if you are reading this for mech- fights, go somewhere else. Hm... what else... Last but DEFINITELY not least... I want to give a big thank you to everyone who reviewed and please keep the reviews coming. You guys have no idea how much they mean to us authors who pour our blood, flesh, heart, and soul into these stories for your entertainment and hopefully your pleasure.  
  
Till the next chapter! Ja-ne!!  
  
TrentNight liquid_vivi@hotmail.com 


	4. Sorry Everyone

Dear: Readers  
  
You must all hate me for what I'm about to do but it can't be helped.  
  
I am truly sorry.  
  
One of the greatest rules of fan fiction is to complete it. However, the more I look at my story, the more I despise and hate it. The overwhelming and sometimes lame WAFF, the OCCness, the rushing that I did. I hate every single bit of it. Some of you may have had high hopes for it, and for a while I did too, but after reading Higher Learning, Children of an Elder God, The One I Love Is (even though I hated the ending with passion), and some other great fics that I cannot seem to remember at the moment, I felt a great wallow of shame. Therefore, I shall discontinue this fic and start all over. I have a new plot rolling in my mind and we shall hopefully see the first chapter posted soon ne~  
  
Once again, I am truly sorry.  
  
Ja ne~  
  
TrentNight 


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